If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that conflict is unavoidable. It’s part of life—from childhood arguments with siblings to disagreements with coworkers, friends, or a spouse. And just when you think you’ve figured it out, your kids grow up and bring new forms of conflict into your life. It doesn’t matter how laid back you are (and I tend to be pretty easygoing myself), conflict will still find its way to your doorstep.
Growing up, I saw conflict handled in ways that left scars. My dad’s method was yelling—sometimes worse. That kind of behavior had an effect on me. I swore I wouldn’t be like that, and I think I’ve succeeded in avoiding that explosive style. But in doing so, I also leaned too far the other way—avoiding conflict altogether, bottling things up rather than working them out. That’s not healthy either.
God has something better in mind.
The Bible Doesn’t Pretend Conflict Doesn’t Exist
Scripture is honest about human nature. From Cain and Abel to Paul and Barnabas, conflict is woven throughout the Bible. But God also gives us clear, wise instruction for how to handle it.
1. Start with Your Heart
Jesus said in Matthew 5:9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” Notice He didn’t say “peacekeepers”—those who avoid conflict—but peacemakers—those who actively work to resolve it.
Conflict isn’t just about the issue at hand. It often stems from what’s going on inside us—pride, anger, insecurity, hurt. James 4:1 gets right to it: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
Before confronting someone else, we need to take a moment to look inward.
2. Speak the Truth in Love
Ephesians 4:15 gives a powerful principle: “Speak the truth in love.” That means we don’t avoid the issue, but we also don’t attack. Tone matters. Timing matters. Respect matters.
If you’re like me and prefer to sidestep hard conversations, remember that unresolved conflict festers. A wound you ignore doesn’t heal—it gets infected. Addressing problems calmly, honestly, and with love is how healing begins.
3. Listen More Than You Speak
James 1:19 is a verse I wish I had memorized as a teenager: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Most conflicts could be diffused if we simply listened to understand rather than listened to argue. Give the other person space to talk. Don’t interrupt. Don’t plan your comeback while they’re speaking. Just listen.
4. Forgive, Even if They Don’t Apologize
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Forgiveness is one of the hardest parts of conflict resolution, especially when the other person doesn’t seem sorry. But forgiveness isn’t for their benefit—it’s for yours. It releases you from carrying bitterness and lets God handle justice.
5. Know When to Walk Away
Some conflict isn’t meant to be fixed right away. Proverbs 19:11 says, “It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Not every slight deserves a confrontation. There’s wisdom in choosing your battles. And sometimes, you simply need to step back and cool down before anything productive can happen.
Final Thoughts
We live in a broken world, and conflict is going to be part of the journey. Learning to handle it well is vital—not just for our relationships, but for our own emotional and spiritual health.
For me, the journey has meant unlearning old habits and learning to trust God’s way instead. I’ve had to face my fear of confrontation and lean into uncomfortable conversations—because relationships are worth it. And the more I practice biblical principles, the more peace I find, even when things get tough.
If conflict is a part of life, we might as well get good at dealing with it. Not by yelling. Not by walking away. But by following Christ’s example—truth with grace, strength with gentleness, and a heart that seeks peace.
