My wife and I have been married for 46 years. This week I was talking with some people about marriage and that got me thinking. We've made our fair share of mistakes but I can say our love and commitment to each other is as strong as it has ever been, so I decided to write down what I've learned.
People get married for all kinds of reasons.
Love, as they understand it at the time, lust or passion, compatibility, friendship, chemistry and excitement along with others.
None of those things are bad. Most marriages start with one of those factors. Ours did.
But the hard truth is this: many of those things change. Passion cools, chemistry shifts, personalities rub., and life pressures pile on. When a couple discovers they don’t even like living together anymore, they’re suddenly facing something far bigger than disappointment, they’re facing the possibility of breaking apart.
After 46 years of marriage, here’s my honest opinion: A marriage lasts best when it’s built on a shared mission.
Yes, you have to love each other.
Yes, you need character, commitment, and compatibility, but love alone, especially the emotional kind is not enough to carry a marriage across decades.
Looking Back, I See What I Didn’t Then
When Gale and I got married, I didn’t see it clearly. What I felt was excitement, passion, chemistry, and a sense that we fit. All good things.
What I didn’t fully understand at the time was that we were united in something deeper: a shared commitment to serve God, whatever that might look like.
Early on, that meant youth ministry. Gale was a Christian educator, and I fit in wherever help was needed. From there it grew, Appalachian service projects, local building teams, Sunday school, church involvement, anything that needed doing.
That sense of service didn’t fade. It shifted.
Later, it flowed through our business, it still does. And alongside that came food pantry work and outreach missions at Covenant Church, different seasons, same direction.
That shared mission quietly anchored our marriage when emotions alone wouldn’t have been enough.
Seeing It in the Next Generation
This past week, I traveled to the Dominican Republic with my granddaughter. My hope was simple: that she would catch something, a sense of service, compassion, and love for others.
She was passionate, engaged, and moved by what she experienced. Watching that stirred something in me. There was also a young couple there, college age, not engaged, and I don’t know where their relationship will lead, but I saw something familiar. They were united in their desire to serve Christ. Watching them felt like looking back at Gale and me when we were younger, maybe even more focused than we were at that age.
It reminded me again: shared purpose binds people together in a way feelings alone never can.
Love Grows When Mission Is Shared
Marriage still requires daily choices:
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Loving the way Jesus taught—putting the other first
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Being responsible in how you act and speak
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Talking honestly about finances, children, and expectations
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Facing the very things that can pull a marriage apart
None of that goes away.
But when two people are united in Christ and walking toward the same purpose, those challenges don’t define the marriage, they refine it.
Passion has a tendency to fade over time. That’s reality. But real love, the kind built on commitment, service, and shared direction has a tendency to grow.
That kind of love lasts.
